Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
