so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
