Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
you had me at cake vodka
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
