I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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