You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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