why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
