I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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