He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
the raccoons are back...
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