I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
It was confusing and full of hummus
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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