the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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