It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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