I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
