My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
They took my balls.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
