I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
