hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
