Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
