Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
