You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize