I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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