That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
