Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
