No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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