I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My feet surprised me
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