was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
