the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
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