i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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