Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize