you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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