the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize