I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
