i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
