I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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