i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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