forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
