I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
