Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
