we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
