My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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