I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
