I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i can't believe i had my finger in that
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
