I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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