I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
