i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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