he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
