You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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