i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
