where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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