kristin has been a bad kristin
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
