Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
