how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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