Someone shit on the floor
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
