two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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