just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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