Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
