So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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