we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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