I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
