She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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