just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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