im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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