Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
