I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
