just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
