for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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