I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
This is classic penis vs brain.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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