I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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