North Korea, Best Korea!
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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